A vast subject, relatively little discussed because it may be misunderstood or misinterpreted, the ego is an integral part of our personality, whether we want it or not. It is present in every decision we make (much like emotions), it follows you like your shadow wherever you go, it looks at you when you see your reflection in the mirror in the morning, and it congratulates itself when you think you’ve made a good decision.
Is it good to have an oversized ego like James Bond, or should it be buried under layers of denial and self-deprecation?
How does it relate to the feeling of pride? Where does passion fit into all of this? What is the relationship between the three?
A friend once told me, “We only make mistakes when we act out of pride.” She wasn’t entirely wrong. She just used the wrong term. Instead of pride, she should have said “ego.” But what role does pride play then?
Definitions
“It is a noun derived from the Greek and Latin personal pronoun ‘ego,’ meaning ‘me’ or ‘I.’ In common language, ‘ego’ can be used as a synonym for ‘subject’ or ‘individual.’ The concept of ‘self’ is also related to Freud in 20th-century psychoanalysis.
The term ‘ego’ is primarily used in philosophy and is the foundation of psychology. ‘Ego’ can also be related to the words egocentrism and egocentric.”
Next, let’s take a closer look at the definition of the ego.
The one that interests us today, the one I want to talk about, is the relatively recent one: “From the second half of the 20th century, New Age currents designate the ego as the false representation that an individual would make of himself and as an obstacle to access to another reality that would be morally superior.”
Another very beautiful definition is that of Eckart Tolle in his book, a worldwide reference in spirituality and personal development, “The Power of Now,” where he says: “When you grow up, you create a mental image of who you are based on your family and cultural conditioning: this could be called the ‘phantom self,’ the ego.”
Here are the definitions of pride from Larousse:
- Character of someone who believes they are superior to others; haughtiness, arrogance, loftiness.
- Independence of character of someone who has a sense of their honor; dignity, nobility, self-esteem.
- Feeling of pride, legitimate self-satisfaction; what gives rise to this feeling.
The first definition is not far from the ego. This is because they are similar. Excessive pride can bring out the ego. From the moment there is arrogance, loftiness, judgment, and comparison, the ego is present. The other two definitions are somewhat more moderate.
How could we simplify this?
It’s a bit like schizophrenia (with all due proportions, of course!).
It’s as if our personality has two faces (like Gemini, Cain and Abel, the prophecy of the two wolves…), or for fans of Tintin’s adventures, when an angel urges us to do good but a devil pushes us to do wrong or foolish things.
In fact, we create an image of how we would like others to perceive us.
You could say it’s a “self” filled with fantasies. In other words, a false image built on all the fears, frustrations, and shames experienced in the past, or to put it more simply: childhood.
As children, we experienced situations where we suffered emotionally, and since no one helped us at that time (which is normally the role of parents, for reasons we don’t know), a part of our psyche developed a defense mechanism (the ego) – which was already present – and from that moment on, it ensures that such a situation does not happen again. But since the pain is still there, it takes radical, inappropriate, and exaggerated countermeasures. This is why there is a disconnect between the situation and behavior.
A - The ego and evolution
I found a very good explanation of the ego on the internet, which goes as follows:
“The ego is the consciousness and representation I have of myself as a person. It’s the ‘self’ in summary. It’s the construction of the ‘self’ that allows me to see myself as an individual separate from the world. It is the foundation of my personality and allows me to evolve towards autonomy (because separated from others).
The flip side of the coin is that by creating separation from the world and others, it becomes possible for me to assess and compare myself to others.”
It can also be a factor in the outcome of evolutionary psychology. This facet of psychology attempts to explain that some of our reactions and behaviors as modern humans are actually the result of reflexes from the early development of the human being.
Before Homo sapiens, about ten other human species roamed the globe (from which we probably descended, but without certainty). Survival was the most important thing for these species at that time. The only way to survive at that time was to stay together! You are stronger in a group, and you have a better chance of survival if attacked by a predator. Another very important point was that by staying in the group, I could ensure my offspring and, therefore, the species’ offspring.
So, to
- Stay in the tribe and
- Find a mate/woman who would be willing to carry my child, I had to demonstrate my value, either to others by showing them that I was a good clan leader or to the leader by showing that I was a good follower, and to the women by showing that I was strong.
We can already see the shadow of the ego appearing above the faces of our ancestors.
“The evaluation of our ego is important for the human species because the way others perceive us ensures our survival: if others like me and find me useful, they will protect me, and I will find a partner to reproduce in a way.”
B - Ego and strength
To better understand the difference between the two, I propose comparing them to a famous Hollywood saga (perhaps the most famous): I would say that pride is somewhat like the Force. Its dark side is tinted with ego, while its light side is supported by passion (for true fans of the saga, this is not entirely accurate, as the Sith and Jedi codes advocate the opposite – I will provide a brief explanation at the end of the article).
So, how does it work?
For example, let’s take well-known artists (painters or musicians) or even the best modern athletes. If they are famous, it’s probably because they excel in their field. But what drove them to become the best? It’s passion, of course.”
Passion:
Passion for their profession or their preferred field.
It’s passion that drove them to work for hours and hours and to reflect on what they love. (This is another topic: should one work to excel… of course, but we won’t delve into that here.) It’s passion that led them to make sacrifices, to be selfless, to eliminate all distractions and pleasures that could slow them down or hinder them from achieving their goals. It’s passion that gave them patience, allowing them to endure and withstand failures, disappointments, and physical or mental pain.
As Friedrich Hegel said, “Nothing great in the world has ever been accomplished without passion.”
Passion and the Heart:
In fact, passion is the heart. Doing things with passion means doing them with your heart. And the heart is always right (even if reason ignores it – perhaps not the best thing to do), as long as you can remove all the filters and superfluous layers that build the ego and prevent you from accessing your true nature.
As Dark Vader (the “villain”) says in Star Wars (spoiler alert!), when he reveals the most important thing in the saga to Luke Skywalker (the “hero”), and Luke responds:
– “No, that’s not true! It’s impossible!”
– Dark Vader replies, “Search your feelings; you know it to be true!”
(I find this one of the most beautiful lines in cinema.) And that, my friend, is pure emotional intelligence! (Rather ironic, coming from the darkest character in cinema history.)
On a practical level:
So, we can imagine the following scenario:
We can say that passion comes first and drives the individual toward action (work, deeds, efforts) through emotions (the word “emotion” comes from the Latin “emovere,” which means to set in motion).
Through repetition, the individual becomes proficient or even excels in their field, and upon seeing the results of their work, they start developing a sense of pride. But what drives someone to have misplaced pride or arrogance?
Primarily, it’s a comparison (either self-comparison or comparison by peers) they or others will make when they realize what they have achieved in comparison to others.
In fact, we know that many geniuses who were not recognized in their time did not develop excessive ego or pride.
The chicken or the egg?
I would say that pride comes after passion. It doesn’t push us to act (or at least not as strongly).
Children develop, from a very young age, perhaps not a passion but certainly a strong interest in certain subjects, which can develop into passion with maturity. However, at this stage, pride is not yet present. It comes when the individual becomes aware of their potential and the journey they have traveled.
We are dealing with very similar, sometimes interchangeable words and concepts here. It’s important to clarify the debate. For me, pride is closest to passion, but it emerges when the individual becomes aware of their abilities and grows in self-esteem along their path.
Then comes the gaze of others (colleagues, family, society), and the individual starts to develop, perhaps, vanity if the ego begins to take up more space. Arrogance then follows, clearly supported by the ego due to comparisons and various forms of self-aggrandizement.
Why do you do what you do?
In fact, passion is the very essence of who we are. When we live our passion without ego, we can accomplish miracles because we possess the resilience needed to overcome all challenges and to reach the goals we have set for ourselves. Why do we have this resilience, along with patience, moral strength, and all the other qualities? Because it’s about ourselves, laid bare before what’s deepest within us – our being, our essence, what we truly believe in because it is us!
The ego, much like the dark side of the force, is faster, more tempting, more seductive, more “flashy.” We think we are doing well when, in fact, it is not us; it does not represent us.
I call this doing things for the wrong reasons, seeking something material and quick, related to the image we think others have of us (e.g., politicians?). Why? To obtain a moral reward that will make us feel loved and recognized.
In summary
To echo Eckhart Tolle, the ego is a “false self” because the image you have of yourself is a projection of desires and fantasies aimed at making you feel superior to others. Therefore, there is first a comparison, and where there is comparison, there is inevitably ego. This is also a clear sign of a lack of self-confidence.
This image, this avatar, is of course distorted by the filters of “our family and cultural conditioning,” as Eckhart puts it. But why do we create this image? Quite simply, to free ourselves from childhood suffering, most of which is unconscious and ultimately boils down to one thing: a lack of love and attention from our parents during early childhood.
It’s crucial to understand that the ego is built upon all the fears, frustrations, and moments of shame you experience in childhood. It’s an act of defense, a kind of counterbalance.
As a result, the ego takes the brunt of it and whispers in your ear something like, “You’ll see, we’ll get them next time. I won’t let you suffer again! Trust me! You’ll see, together we’ll get them!”
We can say, without dramatizing it, that it’s a form of schizophrenia, but there’s no need to panic. We all have multifaceted personalities (masks) that we present to the world depending on circumstances and situations.
The same person will present his professional side every day at work and act with his colleagues, bosses, and subordinates as they expect him to act. But he will present a different side to his family, and yet another to his friends. This is natural, and we are unconsciously experts at juggling these personalities. The ego is, of course, the conductor of this juggling act.
What to do?
How to recognize the ego? Every time you compare yourself, want more than your neighbor, seek revenge, or refuse to step aside. Every time you think, “What about me?”
It’s also important to understand that the ego provides colossal energy. It gives you a purpose, a goal that is, once again, based on its definition, the satisfaction of a false self, a false identity. Vengeance provides a lot of energy. So much so that one can get lost in it and lose their life (as per the Chinese proverb: “If you seek vengeance, prepare to dig two graves”)
It’s also important to understand that the ego is necessary, and we all have one!
Why?
According to the article from the Epsm de Lille on mindfulness-based therapy:
«It’s the ‘self’ in summary. It’s the construction of the ‘self’ that allows me to see myself as an individual separate from the world. It forms the foundation of my personality and enables me to evolve towards autonomy.»
So, the ego helps us achieve our independence by giving us some confidence. This confidence is necessary to carry out actions and succeed (we know that successful people generally have self-confidence. We could also write an article on self-confidence and self-esteem, which are two different concepts).
But, once again, in psychology, everything is a matter of balance. Having a little ego is good, having too much can be harmful.
What should you do with your ego?
First of all, it’s impossible to get rid of it. As mentioned at the beginning of this article, it is an integral part of our personality. So, there’s no need to panic about its schizophrenic nature.
How can you reduce its control?
To quote Karl G. Young: “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life, and you will call it fate.”
First advice
Work on yourself.
Work on yourself.
Through this work, you will reduce the filters and masks that prevent you from reading your heart, and thus, you will give less opportunity for the ego to control you.
Second advice
Stay vigilant
Stay vigilant
Try to recognize when your ego emerges and takes control. Every time you seek to be first, to draw attention to yourself, to claim the spotlight, when you seek revenge or express jealousy, it's your ego in action. And as it works very well in psychology, when you look inside your soul, what you see there diminishes in intensity (this also works very well with emotions).
Ego and Star Wars
To expand on my theory in relation to the Star Wars film and especially the Jedi and Sith codes, here are the two codes:
Jedi Code
“There is no emotion, there is peace.
There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.
There is no passion, there is serenity.
There is no chaos, there is harmony.
There is no death, there is the Force.”
—The Jedi Code (Based on the Meditations of Odan-Urr)
This code is based on an ancient text that states:
Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet the Force.
Sith Code
“Peace is a lie, there is only passion.
Through passion, I gain strength.
Through strength, I gain power.
Through power, I gain victory.
Through victory, my chains are broken.
The Force shall free me.”
Understanding the Jedi Code:
The Jedi Code starts off on the wrong foot. Indeed, I understand that by the phrase “there are no emotions, there is only peace,” the Jedi Code does not mean that we are completely devoid of emotions but rather that the Jedi should not feel and be overwhelmed by their emotions. However, this is heresy: the fact that we have emotions is an integral part of our human nature. Denying our emotions is denying our nature. Instead of ignoring them or sweeping them under the rug, as a coach specialized in EQ (Emotional Intelligence), we are taught to confront them, recognize them, precisely in order not to be overwhelmed by them. The more we try to hide a part of our truth (in this case, our emotions), the more that part of ourselves will grow chaotically and become uncontrollable.
For this reason, I prefer the older version of the code, which simply says “emotion, yet peace.” Here, the text remains vague about the “relationship” between emotion and peace, so we can assume that the Jedi becomes aware of their emotions and, through continuous work on them, becomes an expert in EQ, ultimately achieving inner peace. They no longer let their emotions control them but allow them to flow through their mind without much influence on their behavior (especially their decisions), similar to the path followed by Buddha and other great spiritual masters in the history of humanity.
Understanding the Sith Code:
The Sith Code begins with the statement, “Peace is a lie, there is only passion.” It all depends on what one means by peace. Humans will always face choices and, therefore, internal conflicts. It’s this aspect that tears us apart, tortures us, and separates us from others. However, this is an integral part of our nature. What’s contradictory in this first phrase of the Sith Code is that passion will likely bring peace to our hearts. As I explained earlier, doing things with passion (pure passion, untainted) means doing things with your heart and, therefore, peacefully.
To echo Eckhart Tolle, who himself cites the great Buddhist teachings: we must accept what is! It’s when we refuse to accept what is that the negative aspects of emotions emerge—rage, fear, sadness. So, this aligns well with the Sith code of honor if these emotions are precisely the desired goal. For example, rage might provide a bit more strength in the sense that it releases hormones in the upper body (especially the arms). But is it really useful if our vision is clouded and no longer clear?
When we do things with passion, we do them without wanting to compare ourselves or seek glory. We do them just for ourselves because we know it’s the right thing to do.
Then, the Sith Code reveals a bit of the path I developed in the article. Once a work is completed with passion, and as it pleases, the author realizes their potential and, therefore, their power, and so on.